An Anecdote: The Real Life Rapunzel
“I think I’m not yet ready to do this” plenty of times in a row telling myself this phrase. As I look my reflection in the mirror, it gave me a blank face, yet I can see in my eyes, they are full of doubt and fear with a frown expression shown in my face, I am ready to cry any seconds. But there’s no turning back now, I gradually close my eyes as my right hand shakily grab the pointed sharp blade on the table. With a loud sigh came out from my mouth, I tightened my grip and open my eyes, manifesting a bolder aura.
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[POV: Third person]
The clock strikes at exactly 12:00 am stating that it is already third of December, yet there’s still a girl on her bed still wide awake, as if sleep is never her thing. She is watching videos about hairstyles and fashion, and when she found what suits her, she switched on scrolling to her social media accounts.
Tinggggg!
A notification sound stated that somebody sent her a message. Out of curiosity of who on earth sent a message in the middle of the night, she rapidly check it.
Tears rolled down her eyes as she read the message. It’s a long sweet birthday greeting from her friends. Today is her birthday.
Based on the look on her face, she didn’t expect the greetings at this early late hour. She is overwhelmed and touched by the words given to her.
Until she decided to visit her profile on Facebook, there are plenty of greetings too posted on her timeline. This even made her moved by her emotions. She is crying but smiling.
If somebody enters her room, that person might think that she is going crazy. But that is the case, her overflowing mixed emotions are driving her crazy. She cannot stop herself from sobbing.
As she turn the lights off, she grab her blanket above her chest, and finally, her puffy red eyes feel heavy,
“Happy 18th birthday, self” she quietly murmur and the comfort of the night spread across the room.
As the sun arose from its bed, it came out smiling brightly on the west side of the sphere. Its rays spread across the quiet street where people are still sleeping soundly in their own rooms. With a sweet chirping of the birds, a swiftly gush of winds which made the leaves on trees dance in melody.
Along with an ocean blue sky and a cotton white clouds above, what a beautiful day ahead for every people,
except for this lady who only had five hours of sleep, accompanied by dark circles under her weary eyes, her lips that is dry as desert, her messy long hair that lengths below her knees, she is completely in a state of calamity under a fine lovely day.
Barbara spent all her life living in a cage. Not literally a cage that is used to shelter animals, but a cage where she has been locked and chained up, forbidding her to step outside the reality.
There is a memory from her childhood that carved deeply into her heart, she cannot forget it. It is a scene where her mother was always dressing her up like a doll and trying out different exquisite hairstyles with her long silky hair.
Every day, at school, kids were always left in awed and amusement whenever they see her due to her braided hair with colorful clips that surround her head. She was known as Rapunzel back then, because of her mother’s hobby of styling her daughter.
But, when her mother’s gone, Barbara started to move backwards in life. She began to distance herself from the crowd, hide from the happiness, and chastised herself to the dilemma of her miserable life.
Her mother was her sun and moon, without her everything seems dark, pale, and lost the fervor of existence.
It was hard for her to accept the fact that the one she considered as her sun and moon is the one who puts her into the dark. Her mother who she considered as her best person became the worst.
Yet, even though her mother broke her trust, she still missed her every single day. She still craved for her love that is why she kept her hair long, which serves as a memory of her beloved mother. She believed that if she don’t cut it and nurture it along her journey, the warmth and comfort of her mother could still be felt through it.
With her mother’s gone, their family became in turmoil. Her father had a hard time managing his raving emotions and thinking of a concrete plan on how he could nurture his children without an accomplice. This made Barbara became dependent to her father and always obedient to every command he tells, thinking that nobody can provide them a genuine concern rather than her father that is why Barbara let her father steer the wheel of her existence ride.
As an old cliché quote said, “parents know what is best for us.” I guess that explains why she doesn’t had a chance to decide what her heart really wants to do because of fear. Fear that her decisions might fail whereas, it will only lead her to become a disappointment to her father that is why she is always been afraid to stand on her own feet.
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[POV: Barbara]
The sun is still shining brightly at me, its rays kissed me like there’s no tomorrow. Hours had passed and still, it is my birthday. Seems like the hands of the clock are walking like a turtle, so slow.
Eighteenth birthday might be special to most girls, where they tend to dress like a Disney princess sitting on a golden throne while princes are lining up towards her, wishing they will be the lucky one destined to get the hand of the royal princess. A day that is full of glamour, a buffet of mouthwatering dishes, and a royal dance with roses and loved ones. It is indeed a fantasy that every girl dreamed of.
But for me, it is a nightmare. A day of torment and torture, wherein memories are eating me up alive. Awake.
Flashbacks a decade ago still haunting me. In my dreams. And even in every seconds of time. They are still fresh in my mind like it happened yesterday.
I kept telling myself that it doesn’t matter to me for the past 10 years, but I lied.
I lied because I still wish for a miracle from above.
I still hope that she will turn her back around at us, again.
I still crave for her warmth and comfort.
I still miss mother.
Yet, I do not want to lock myself forever in this cage. I do not want to live in fear in ages. Chains on me feel heavy now. I cannot breathe. I realized that I do want to feel the breeze of air outside my cell. Hence, I need to be free.
I placed my thin rectangular wireless gadget on the table in front while its wide screen is facing me. I saw my gloomy reflection, as I clicked the red button in the middle and suddenly, a timer began running. Beside it is a red round mirror, I looked myself through it, the expression I saw in my phone camera doesn’t change a bit, still dread.
“I think I’m not yet ready to do this” plenty of times in a row telling myself this phrase. Upon looking my reflection in the mirror, it gave me a blank face, yet I can see in my eyes, they are full of doubt and fear with a frown expression shown in my face, I am ready to cry any seconds.
But there’s no turning back now, I gradually close my eyes as my right hand shakily grab the pointed sharp blade on the table. With a loud sigh came out from my mouth, I tightened my grip and open my eyes, manifesting a bolder aura.
Clanggggg!
The scissors from my hand dropped to the wooden floor with hairs are scattered everywhere. I am completely stunned on what I’m seeing right now. I cannot believe.
“Is this really me?” I silently questioned myself while looking my reflection.
I touched the ends of my hair just below my ears with the other hand is holding the long silky hair that I nurture for a decade.
I slowly feel my lips turned into a smile until it reaches my eyes. I am smiling brightly like the sun. For the past ten years, I never got to experience this genuine happiness.
As I turned my gaze on my phone camera, I started to speak,
“Hello, diary. Today is my 18th birthday and I’ve decided to cut my hair.” I stated as my introduction with a cheerful grin for my video journal.
“My hair length is about 25 inches long just below my knees and 5 inches thickness. The reason why I decided to cut my hair this short is because I realized that there’s no point on holding onto something that first let go of your hand. It is such a waste of time and effort to wait for someone who first abandoned you. And it is a naive mindset to imprisoned yourself from the memory that kept on haunting you all these years.” With a shaky voice, tears began to slowly fall on my cheeks.
“As I grew older, I realized that there were so many opportunities that I missed due to the chains that I wrapped around me. I felt like the weight and burden of the world is upon my shoulders, but no. I thought that life is unfair and blamed the deities from above because they allow the circumstances to happen along my journey. I thought I was the most unfortunate being among all people. But still no, that is not the case.”
“In fact, I’m one of the luckiest humans, because of out of all the billions of existences, I was the one who they chose to conquer this challenge, which shaped me for who I am today. Those predicaments helped me to find the courage and strength that most people couldn’t find yet. But me, at this young age, I found what I’m looking for.” I flashed a small smile as I wiped my tears.
“Nobody puts me in a cage. No one wrapped chains on me. Yet, I figured out that I was the one who did all those things. I blamed people around me for the things that I go through, but little did I know, I was the one who plants myself into an abysmal void. I was in a state of in denial that I cannot see my wrong doings.”
“So as, to break myself free in my cell, I started to take an action through cutting my hair, which I personally treat precious as my own treasure. Moreover, it symbolizes that I willingly want to let go of what’s been bothering me all these years.” I proudly said while straightly looking at the camera.
“I guess, I got tired living life in prison. I will consider this as my first step in turning my tumbling blocks into my steppingstones. Abolishing the walls to unlock the door of my comfort zone. Hence, I want to unleash myself to the truths of reality.” I continued.
“This is Barbara speaking, reminding you that you do not need to punish yourself for the sin that you do not commit. We only live once, so we must vibe as if it is our last. Bye, diary.” I clicked the red button on the screen pertaining to stop the recording.
With a loud sigh, it came with a smile. I’m just really happy today. For all these years, the thorns within me that kept on aching are finally gone. I can now breathe without any heavy pain. I can now sleep peacefully at night without any troubles and live my life each day with high hopes and dreams in mind.
At last, the Rapunzel that is trapped in cage who they have known for years is officially a brave lady that managed to escape from her tower.
